A thousand million moments

There are so many moments I want to remember. Someday when I am old and wrinkled and I look back on a lifetime of loving Ezra, I want to remember those little details that shaped my new motherhood. I want to remember that for his first two weeks we set an alarm and slept with a light on. Every two hours the alarm would chime, waking us and reminding me that it was time to feed my newborn son. The light stayed on all night so that we could, at any moment, make sure he was breathing, make sure he Read more [...]

A hand hold away from heaven

For days we'd gathered in her room, sat around her bed, held her hands. Her breaths were shallow and labored, and we knew that her time on earth was coming to an end. There were moments of laughing - remembering happy occasions and antics that defined who she was. One thing I loved about her was that when she left a message on my phone she always ended it with, "Love, Grandma" as if she were signing a letter. Every time I heard it I remembered just how much the world changed in her life time. Read more [...]

Ezra {2 Months}

(I am, once again, terribly behind in posting Ezra's monthly updates. But I don't mind. Soaking up all of his baby cuddles is so much more important.) *** Two months. Eight weeks + five days. Sixty-one days. One thousand, four hundred, sixty four hours. Ezra's second month was equally as challenging as his first month, but for different reasons. When he was two weeks old my Grandma suffered a stroke accompanied by a series of seizures most likely related to the stroke. She spent the next Read more [...]

Sex and the Christian Woman

What do you think of this card? What about this one? I saw the first card in my Instagram feed yesterday and I have to admit, it made me smile. The thing is, there was a time in our marriage when "practicing making babies" kind of lost it's luster - fertility treatments have a way of taking the sexy out of sex. When I saw the card I smiled because I'm thankful that season of our marriage is behind us. The Mom Diggity (cool name, right?) shared the card on Instagram yesterday, and I noticed Read more [...]

Late Nights | Sacred Moments | Holy Ground

My little world is quiet, hushed and still, and waiting for a new day to dawn with the sunrise. Somewhere in the distance I hear a cricket, or maybe a cicada, singing it's middle-of-a-summer-night lullaby. And I hear my little one breathe and coo and sigh contentedly as he suckles at my breast. A lullaby and a balm to my soul. The world around me sleeps as the cool night air refreshes the earth. In a few hours dew drops will sparkle like shimmering glass as the sun casts it's first light on this Read more [...]

Ezra {One Month}

This post is almost two weeks late. Life with a newborn is a little crazy sometimes, and honestly I'd much rather be indulging his cuddle cravings than getting a blog post up on schedule.  *** One month. Four weeks + two days. Thirty days. Seven hundred twenty hours. The last month has been the hardest, yet most glorious month of my life. A hundred thousand tiny moments that make up a lifetime of memory-making changes and new mommy learning experiences. So many memories and so much learning... ...Learning Read more [...]

Back to God

5.25.14 Dedication 2

I stand here beside my husband who lovingly holds our precious son in his arms. Together we stand at the front of our church, prepared to make a solemn vow before God and His people. In a way this is uncharted territory: this trusting my Heavenly Father with my precious son. And while I’ve had years to practice trusting Him with the unknown, it still takes so much faith – so much practice. Like Hannah we dedicate our child back to the Lord, promising to each other and to God to raise Ezra in a Read more [...]

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The Language of Trust: a prayer from a new mama

5.25.14 Mommy and Ezra

It was our second night at home after Ezra was born. My husband and I stood there looking at our newborn son, our hands clasped and my forehead leaning against his. We were blissfully exhausted: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Our sweet boy had just fallen asleep, and we stood over his bassinet in our room and prayed over him as we ended our day. My husband is wise and humble, and I remember the poignant words he spoke over our son that night: “Lord, give us wisdom as we learn to teach Read more [...]

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Our Birth Story

Birthing Time 2

My husband and I planned a natural, unmedicated birth with our first child. This is our hynobabies birth story.  It was three days before my guess date. I was big and uncomfortable and so anxious to hold my sweet baby in my arms. For weeks my hips and pelvis had endured some of the worse pain of my life, and sleep was becoming more and more elusive. I was ready. Ready to not be pregnant, ready to have our baby, ready to embark on this wild new adventure of motherhood. I woke that morning to Read more [...]

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My Hallelujah Baby

Ezra in the Hospital1

My son. The one for whom we waited so long, for whom we prayed countless prayers. It was him all along. My son. The one we dreamed of and hoped for and wrestled with God over. It was his heartbeat we heard at six weeks, sending our own hearts into a flutter of surprise and joy. It was his hands and feet we felt pushing against  his Daddy’s hands, responding to his touch and voice long before formal introductions were made. It was his silhouette we saw at 20 weeks, the outline of his Read more [...]

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When I Look in the Mirror

Amanda Baby Bump

Looking in the mirror I barely recognize the woman looking back at me. She looks tired. She looks big. She looks insanely happy. The changes my body has made over the past nine months are nothing short of extraordinary. That the human body can change and adjust to provide a safe haven for another growing human is simply beautiful. The woman looking back at me in the mirror – her belly swells with the growing life of a precious child. Her back bows to compensate for the extra weight she carries Read more [...]

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From a soon-to-be-mama

from a soon to be mama

You are all seriousness with a heaping dose of want-to-be helpful. You share the hard things, the questions and anxiety and heartache. You are a legion of mamas who kind heartedly offer advice and experience to this soon-to-be mama. And truly I am thankful. For your honesty, for your desire to help. I am thankful. But in a way your stories dishearten me. You share about how hard labor is. You share your horror stories of bringing life into this world. You told me to register for formula because Read more [...]

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When I Can’t Sleep

Its the Little Things

His breathing is peaceful and even, evidence of the sweet sleep he enjoys. It is too dark to watch him sleep, but I listen to his breaths, I feel his warmth, and I take comfort in him being close by. I love this man so much. And here beside him – this is where my heart is most happy. This is where I feel the most safe and secure. It is the earliest hours of the morning when our little part of earth is quiet and still and peacefully anticipating a fresh day. And I have not yet enjoyed restful sleep. Read more [...]

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A battlefield or a dance floor

His Spirit guides us on a dance floor of amazing grace and resplendent love

“I don’t understand why you let infertility be your identity.” I was engaged in a conversation with an acquaintance of mine who has a young child. It was one of those conversations that I look back on and hope I demonstrated enough grace. While I count it an honor and privelege to share about infertility and help others be more aware of the burden of barrenness, sometimes I’m caught off guard by their questions. But the question, “Why let infertility be your identity?” really resonated with me, Read more [...]

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