Grace for the Growth Spurts

Quiet breaths escape his lips as he rests in my arms. I rock him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. the motion soothes us both as our bodies move in tandem to the sway of the rocker. There is familiar comfort in our bodies moving together, just as they did when he was still tucked away inside me, snug and warm in the hidden safety of my womb. Last week was long and hard, with restless nights and tiring days. After the first couple of days his daddy and I were sure it was a growth spurt. Read more [...]

What a difference two years makes

Two years ago I sat on the floor in my hotel room in Indianapolis, tears streaming down my face. I'd held it together most of the day, but that afternoon I couldn't take it anymore. I'd known for months that I needed to write about our infertility. I knew God had given us that story to tell, and that He had a beautiful purpose for our story. But I didn't know how. And I really didn't want to. I'd been wrestling, my will against His will, my heart tender from battle wounds and extravagant grace. When Read more [...]

On dishes and laundry and treasuring the moments

He walked in the door to find me, the love of his life, still wearing pajamas, wearing that familiar fragrance of motherhood: the smell of spit up. My hair undone, some strands frizzy and out of control, and little whispy hairs stuck to my forehead, evidence of sweat or tears, or both. He greeted me with the fiercest smile. His eyes lit up at the sight of his new family. Me, his bride, deep in the trenches of new motherhood, looking nothing like the radiant bride to whom he pledged his life ten Read more [...]

Ezra {4 Months}

Four months. Seventeen weeks + five days. One hundred twenty-four days. Two thousand, nine hundred seventy-six minutes. I look deep into his blue eyes and see the culmination of countless prayers and hopes and dreams. This baby, my redemption baby, changes every day, growing and learning and developing before my eyes. These days are precious to me. Those moments when he clasps his hand around my finger, or smiles up at me when I walk by - those are the moments that still take my breath away. Read more [...]

Thrive Moms Infertility Support Group (and a giveaway)

Someone once asked my husband and me why we were so open about our struggle to conceive a baby. He didn't understand why we would be willing to share such intimate details of our life and marriage. In the 2+ years since we opened up about our journey through infertility God has opened the door for so much ministry. Trying to conceive, and being unsuccessful at it, is frustrating and isolating, and knowing you aren't alone in the journey somehow makes the journey more bearable. Originally we opened Read more [...]

Back to School and the waiting-to-be-mama

There are certain holidays and seasons of the year that are especially difficult for waiting-to-be-mamas. It isn't surprising when our hearts are tender and timid on Mother's Day, Father's Day, and Christmas; and we are thankful for the compassionate embrace of a friend or family member that reminds us that we are not forgotten. But there are other times throughout the year that the sting of childlessness is intensified. I remember when my husband and I went to Sea World two years ago during our Read more [...]

When the birth plan changes

When the birth plan changes - A Royal Daughter

Man plans his plans, but his steps are ordered by the Lord. Proverbs 16:9 I could rewrite this proverb this way: “Women write their birth plans, but God writes their birth stories.” My birth story is beautiful. Three and a half months later I look back on Ezra’s birthday with nothing but joy and thankfulness. But it did not go as I had planned. My hope and dream for bringing a baby into this world was to do so naturally and with as little intervention as possible. We chose to deliver with a Read more [...]

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Ezra {3 months}

Ezra 3 months

Three months. thirteen weeks. Ninety-one days. Two thousand, one hundred, eighty-four hours. And a million moments that make my heart sing. Ezra’s third month of life was another month of firsts: First trip to Arkansas – for a friend’s wedding First 4th of July First time staying all day at Grandma and Grandpa’s First time putting himself to sleep for nap time And a last: Last night to be swaddled He’s grown so much in this third month of his life. His body and mind Read more [...]

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A thousand million moments

1 Kissing Ezra

There are so many moments I want to remember. Someday when I am old and wrinkled and I look back on a lifetime of loving Ezra, I want to remember those little details that shaped my new motherhood. I want to remember that for his first two weeks we set an alarm and slept with a light on. Every two hours the alarm would chime, waking us and reminding me that it was time to feed my newborn son. The light stayed on all night so that we could, at any moment, make sure he was breathing, make sure he Read more [...]

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A hand hold away from heaven

a hand hold away from heaven

For days we’d gathered in her room, sat around her bed, held her hands. Her breaths were shallow and labored, and we knew that her time on earth was coming to an end. There were moments of laughing – remembering happy occasions and antics that defined who she was. One thing I loved about her was that when she left a message on my phone she always ended it with, “Love, Grandma” as if she were signing a letter. Every time I heard it I remembered just how much the world changed in her life time. Read more [...]

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Ezra {2 Months}

6.8.14 Ezra eyelashes

(I am, once again, terribly behind in posting Ezra’s monthly updates. But I don’t mind. Soaking up all of his baby cuddles is so much more important.) *** Two months. Eight weeks + five days. Sixty-one days. One thousand, four hundred, sixty four hours. Ezra’s second month was equally as challenging as his first month, but for different reasons. When he was two weeks old my Grandma suffered a stroke accompanied by a series of seizures most likely related to the stroke. She spent the next Read more [...]

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Sex and the Christian Woman

Sex and the Christian Woman

What do you think of this card? What about this one? I saw the first card in my Instagram feed yesterday and I have to admit, it made me smile. The thing is, there was a time in our marriage when “practicing making babies” kind of lost it’s luster – fertility treatments have a way of taking the sexy out of sex. When I saw the card I smiled because I’m thankful that season of our marriage is behind us. The Mom Diggity (cool name, right?) shared the card on Instagram yesterday, and I noticed Read more [...]

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Late Nights | Sacred Moments | Holy Ground

Late Night Feeding 1

My little world is quiet, hushed and still, and waiting for a new day to dawn with the sunrise. Somewhere in the distance I hear a cricket, or maybe a cicada, singing it’s middle-of-a-summer-night lullaby. And I hear my little one breathe and coo and sigh contentedly as he suckles at my breast. A lullaby and a balm to my soul. The world around me sleeps as the cool night air refreshes the earth. In a few hours dew drops will sparkle like shimmering glass as the sun casts it’s first light on this Read more [...]

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Ezra {One Month}

One Month Baby Pictures

This post is almost two weeks late. Life with a newborn is a little crazy sometimes, and honestly I’d much rather be indulging his cuddle cravings than getting a blog post up on schedule.  *** One month. Four weeks + two days. Thirty days. Seven hundred twenty hours. The last month has been the hardest, yet most glorious month of my life. A hundred thousand tiny moments that make up a lifetime of memory-making changes and new mommy learning experiences. So many memories and so much learning… …Learning Read more [...]

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