I remember sitting in the ballroom at the Sheraton at Keyston Crossing in Indianapolis during the first session at Influence Conference last October. I was soaking it all in.
The friendships that had developed over twitter and e-mail – they were real friendships.
The stories I’d been reading – they were real stories, and now I was becoming a tiny part of so many stories.
The blogger fashion I’d been following – there it was in front of me, in all of its stripes-loving, skinny jean-wearing, chambray-clad, top-knot-flaunting glory.
I sat there sipping my coffee, taking notes like a crazy person, trying to glean wisdom from everything Tiny Twig had to say. Hayley shared a lot of great information that morning. So much blogging strategy that I couldn’t keep up with my note taking!
But the one thing that burned into my mind that day was when she talked about forming alliances. She said,
“Forming alliances online is easy, but dissolving them is hard. We must be very cautious who we form online alliances with, and who we share our influence with.”
She went on to explain that who we associate with online impacts our “brand” and reputation as bloggers. Sometimes in an obvious way, but sometimes it’s more subtle.
I still can’t shake the feeling I had listening to those wise words nearly three months ago.
I’ve been a part of the blogging community for about a year and a half. In that year and a half I’ve formed very real and lasting friendships, most notably with my Bloggy BFF Tricia at Mama Marchand’s Nest.
When The Professor and I visited Tricia and her family last July, one of the things I remember noticing about her is that she is exactly who she says she is online. She’s transparently true to herself. Her blog reflects who she is in real life.
That’s a rare trait.
In the last year and a half I’ve also learned that some people are not who they claim to be online. In all truth, most of us probably aren’t exactly who we say we are online – myself included. I rarely write about the fact that my floors get swept maybe twice a month – and I have three indoor animals, so the hair and dirt piles up. No one likes to air their dirty laundry on the internet, and I am no exception.
But I learned that some writers create a sort of alias for themselves on their blogs. Who they are on their blogs does not really represent who they are in their day-to-day lives. It’s almost as if who they are on their blog is who they want to be, not who they actually are. And I can’t help but wonder if they’re leading their followers on a journey of deceit. And that hurts my heart.
Friends, I cannot over stress how important Hayley’s words of wisdom and truth are. I think every single blogger needs to hear them. We must take our discernment to a whole new level when it comes to building relationships, forming alliances, online. For Christian bloggers, we must weigh each other’s content against the standard of the Word of God. If what we say does not line up with the Bible, we are misleading our readers.
The Word of God tells us that “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17.) Have you ever thought about what that means? Sharp iron is useful. Sharp iron is valuable because it can be sold and used as a tool. Let’s be intentional to seek out online relationships that sharpen us, that make us useful, and that give us worth.
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And when we recognize that an alliance needs to be broken, let’s do it with grace. So much grace that no one even knows it happened. Breaking alliances does not mean bringing other people down. It doesn’t mean we announce to the world that they’re a fake and need to be called out for what they are. It doesn’t mean we write subtle (or not so subtle) blog posts about our bad experience. It doesn’t even necessarily mean that a friendship has ended.
It’s just a quiet, grace-filled, strategic move that is very intentional on our part, but is not necessarily obvious to everyone who follows our story.
Grace upon grace upon grace. We need a little more of that in the online world. And in real life too.
Are you ready to be an inspiration? (To find out the purpose of this linky, please read this post.)
- Please visit the others who link up and leave kind, encouraging words for them. Don’t have a lot of time to read them all? Visit the person who linked up before you.
- If you tweet about linking up, please use the hashtag #desiretoinspire
- Link up your own quality, read-worthy posts.
- Focus on how you can be an inspiration, not what inspires you.
- You do not have to follow ARD, but of course I’d love it if you would.
- Link up your specific posts, not your blog’s homepage.
- Please do not link up giveaways, blog/social media hops, or shops.
- Please link back to A Royal Daughter in your post (using the button below, or a text link back) or add this linky party to your linky party list.
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Challenges Q & A with Growing Up A Thomas
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ARD: As a blogger, what is your biggest challenge for growing your community, and how do you deal with it?
GUAT: I think the biggest challenge when trying to grow community is balancing the quality vs. quantity aspect of blogging. In order to grow community, you need to to post on a very frequent basis. However, I think that a genuine community thrives on quality posts which may not always happen when you are posting frequently. I want to bring my readers good, thought-provoking writing which means that some days there are no posts. And it’s hard to grow your blog when you aren’t posting – make sense? I still really haven’t found the answer I guess!
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You are right on about Tricia. So love her heart and wisdom and sense of humor! I’m blessed to have her close so I can see her face to face! My life has definitely changed for the better in the past year of blogging because while my blog is personal, it helps me put things put there for others to see and I realize I am not alone… As I’ve been so encouraged by so any women! Including you! <3
Thank you Jill! Tricia is a treasure – and I’m so glad you two are close to each other. We visit Chicago every now and then because we have family there. Maybe we’ll get to make a trip up there this summer and I can see BOTH of you!
Your link up is not showing, Amanda?
I too appreciated this about Influence. Really getting to know people.
Thanks Miss B. < —- Did you know I ALWAYS think of you like that? Since the first time we e-mailed back and forth!
I’m having problems scheduling posts with WP – some of the code doesn’t come through. Thanks for the head’s up.
No problem.=)
I always think of you as royal daughter. Amanda too. But, unlike some monikers, that one is pretty cool. Your are a daughter of a King.=)
Btw, again, a great post. So very true!
Thank you Bernadette! “Royal Daughter” has been my secret self identification since I was a kid – so I was pretty excited when God opened the door for me to use it as my online moniker!
Great post! I am loving getting to know so many people, even if it is a bit scary to step out of my comfort zone! Thank you for the inspiration. Have a blessed day!
Thanks Mindy!
The best part of the online community is the friendships that I’ve formed – that’s for sure!
This drove home a few points! Really enjoyed reading through this. Some of these thoughts were on my mind all last night and this morning when I juggled with doubting my decisions or not….your influence in the post helped me settle. Your post hit home with me, I appreciate it more than you know!
Thank you Kristine! (And thanks for linking up!) I’m so glad this post was helpful for you – but I have to give credit to Hayley at Tiny Twig – it was her wisdom that really spoke to me last October!
Mmm… As a Christian, I’m always thinking about how I can share my faith on my blog and I think it’s just my personality, but I have a hard time just getting it out there on my blog… like HELLO I AM A CHRISTIAN AND THIS IS MY IDENTITY! I may have created an alias around my blog… Man, lot’s to think through after this post
Thanks, Amanda~ As always a convicting post!
Thank you Sarah! I’ve felt guilty of sort of sticking to an alias instead of who I really am some times. I’m trying to be intentional to not do that anymore. One way I do that is to have The Professor read almost every single one of my posts. He knows me pretty well.
I love this post, Amanda. This is hard. The desire of my heart is to be who I am, to be real and vulnerable, & not portray someone I’m not. But it scares me to think of meeting other bloggers IRL & having them be let down! Is that a normal fear?! All this to say, I write about being a mess a lot in hopes there is no illusion of perfection, or put-togetherness. I got me some dirty, unswept floors too
Lauren, my desire is to be authentic as well. It’s a fine, thin line to walk – the balance of being authentic, but also uplifting.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one with nasty floors!
I was in that same session, that Hayley is such a wise lady! One of my favorite bloggers. Before I met with my roommates at Influence, I wondered if they would be like they were in their “online presence.” They were every bit the same, and I valued that so much! Great post…thought-provoking, too!
Isn’t she amazing? SO much great stuff that I learned from her!
Great post! I wasn’t at Influence, but this is something I’ve thought about over the past year, as my blogging connections have strengthened and grown. On the positive side, there’s so many great godly women out there, and I love how easy it is to find and encourage each other these days. It’s a huge blessing!! On the flip side, you’re right – when we need to back away from an “alliance,” there’s no need to shout about it. Let’s do so with grace.
Yes yes yes! I’m so glad this has been on your heart – it’s something I NEVER thought of until I heard Hayley talk about it at the conference. You’re way ahead of the game if you’re already dwelling on this!
I so agree. It’s hard to be fully transparent and authentic in todays world, but that’s also why it’s so important. My desire is that people know my weaknesses. It’s through the realness of my life, including the mess, that God is truly revealed. Thanks for sharing this. And thanks again for the link up! Joined again today. That’s twice this month for me so far:)
It is SO hard to share our weaknesses, isn’t it? At least it is for me. But like you, I really desire to be fully transparent. Knowing that my family reads this little blog of mine helps keep me honest!
Thank you for linking up!
This is so, so true. Thank you for this reminder and warning. I am constantly amazed by your wisdom and grace. Thank you!
Alesha <3
Oh Alesha you are such an encouragement and a blessing! Thank you so much – but this wisdom came from Hayley – don’t forget that! I did expound on it – but it was her wise words that really made me think.
This is very good food for thought. It is so easy to jump into a blog-relationship with someone online and not *really* know them. (Of course, this is also true in real life!)
Can’t wait to meet you and you’ll find out the truth about me- I really love Chuy’s creamy jalapeño! ha! (and that I’m extremely imperfect and am so thankful for the grace of Jesus!) Love ya girl.
You’re so right! It really is true about in-real-life relationships as well.
See you in what – la week??? WOOHOO!
Amanda… wow! This is such an encouragement to me as I have struggled through this over the last year. “Forming alliances online is easy, but dissolving them is hard. We must be very cautious who we form online alliances with, and who we share our influence with.” – what wise, wise words. Thanks for this. Such a needed message for the blogging world!
Thank you, Sarah! I’m so glad God laid this on my heart – it’s been heavy, heavy on my heart since Influence, and He FINALLY gave me the words to write!
Thank you so much for this! I am so excited to focus on building more blogging relationships this year and this post gave me the perspective I need!! I like to think I am on my.blog who I am in real life but I could alsi pelrobabky be more transparent as well! Thanks so much for the reminder of grace!!
Thanks Laurel! It’s definitely a balance, isn’t it? I have my husband read almost all of my blog posts – he definitely keeps me honest around here!
Love your desire to inspire link up – such a great encouragement and challenge to us all! Thanks so much for sharing about relationships – I think it rings true not only for the blog world but in our day to day lives as well. Take Care!
You’re so right, Megan. Being careful who we associate with is really important in real life as well.
Thanks for your blog world guidance:) Appreciated by a newbie!
Aww! Candace you’re so welcome! I learned the wisdom from a much wiser – more experienced blogger!! It’s sort of a pay-it-forward kind of thing!
Amanda. again! I love this. God has SO been speaking to me about this in the moments of feeling discouraged, to find and seek friendships of “like faith”…not that i didn’t before but i so focused on reaching the “unreachable” that I forget I need a wall of support and that comes in close friendships in which we can build each other up. I am serious. I just started meditating on this moreso than ever this past week… love you!!
I love you Julie!! Thanks for your continued encouragement!! God is definitely up to something – He keeps laying similar messages on our hearts!
Such a great post!! And so true!
Thank you Rebekah!!
I need to schedule my writing so that I can post something on D2I…
I really appreciate your post. I’m a (fairly) new (public) blogger. I think that since my husband and I came out of some intensive marriage counselling where I learned that it’s okay to not be “perfect,” and that my identity isn’t in what I do or how I look, it affects how I blog. It’s really important for me to make sure that I am being congruent – with myself and with others. I don’t want to blog in such a way that anyone would think I’m anything other than what I am.
So I’ve wrestled a little bit with blogging – especially when you start thinking about “making alliances” and being “strategic” with your posts, and do all the things you need to do to drive traffic. Right now, straight up, I’m rebelling against that. Because I don’t feel authentic while I’m doing that. Of course, I should confess that I can rebel because I see blogging as a hobby, not a job. But I don’t think I can truly see it as a job until I figure how to do that part out without feeling fake.
Thanks for being vulnerable with your disappointment in other bloggers. It’s probably an easy thing to do, especially online, to put your best foot forward. I see it in churches all the time… people not really sharing the nitty-gritty with each other. I think it’s not just an online phenomenon. And you’re right, it makes my heart sad, too.
Hi Anne. Thank you for engaging me about this! I have often been disappointed by the behavior of some bloggers who I really admired. It’s hard to get to know them better and realize they aren’t who I thought they were. I *don’t* want that to be me – ever!!
And I rebel all the time at things people say you should do – it’s working fine for me!! Be true to yourself – that’s what is most important!
Amanda! As always, inspiring and convicting! The things you wrote about Tricia I know will make her heart swell! We should all strive to be so open.
“And when we recognize that an alliance needs to be broken, let’s do it with grace. So much grace that no one even knows it happened.” – TRUTH.TRUTH.TRUTH. (and I could not have said it better myself! Thanks for sharing your heart with us! (I always learn something from your words!)
Thank you Sarah!! Tricia was definitely an inspiration to me – I want to be transparent like she is!
So I’ve never actually been able to meet any of my online blogging friends, but I can imagine that sometimes more than a few of them aren’t necessarily truthful. SO I get that. I really try to be who I am in real life on my blog… not only because my mother, my real life friends and other family, read it from time to time. And come on, who knows you better than your momma…. But because I am who I am. Take it or leave it.
Kassi I hope you get to meet some bloggers! Are there any meetups near where you live? Even if you had to drive a little ways it would be so worth it. I think when I met Tricia and we got to talk “blog talk” for hours on end it really helped me realize my purpose + passion in writing. Having that camaraderie is SO helpful for finding direction.
I love this post! <3 And I'm glad I'm not the only one with a fur problem!
Bethany!!! Me too, me too. Thanks for helping me feel better about myself!
Yup, I’m so with you! If it ain’t real, forget it (either in person or online). I’m surrounded by too many incredible people to hang with the fakes. And part of being with amazing people is the ability to receive their grace, even when my floors look a lot like yours, dirty laundry and pet fur and all!
I agree, Stacy! I guess Hayley’s words are relevant to in-real-life (face-to-face) relationships too!
And yeah – I’ve got the dirty laundry thing going too!
“we must weigh each other’s content against the standard of the Word of God. If what we say does not line up with the Bible, we are misleading our readers.”
THIS. This has so been on my heart. I’m afraid there has been a time or two that I have spoken my opinion as if it were gospel truth, and I never EVER want to do that. I was convicted of it immediately, and that is now something I am keenly aware of. At the same time, I want to be transparent and genuine in my words.
I really love this. Thank you for sharing this piece of wisdom.
Thank you for your sweet comment, Lindsy. I’ve shared my opinion in the same way – as if it were inherently true just because I said it was. I don’t want to have that kind of attitude either. Striving for humility is an ever-present goal of mine.