I sit at my kitchen table. The house is quiet, silent and still and peaceful around me. But my heart is anything but still.
Steam rises up from a cup of hot tea, and I sit there with The Word – words of life and truth and promises of unfailing, unrelentling love. And for the first time in months I feel that love.
I have wandered, lost and alone and in search of some way to piece together the broken and shattered shreds of what used to be dreams.
I have ignored Him.
I have avoided Him.
I have questioned His will.
I have loathed the story He has given me to tell.
I have cried out to Him in bitterness and grief, wondering if He hears my silent heart cries.
I have laid in bed at night, my pillow wet from unbridled tears, silently screaming at Him.
I have wrestled with Him. The kind of wrestling that leaves you emotionally broken, mentally wounded and completely wrecked. Like Jacob I will feel the effects of my wrestling with God for the rest of my life.
But this wrestling…it has made me stronger.
Through months of wrestling with the One who created me, who gives me life, who redeems my soul…I have grown. Developing faith muscles that I never knew were there. A spiritual strength-training that exposes my every weakness, while also making me unshakably stronger.
Wrestling with God.
Wrestling with the One who pursues my heart with relentless, unfailing love.
Wrestling with the One who hung on the sinner’s tree – a cross of wood, rugged and ugly and completely repulsive, in one history making, earth changing, veil-tearing act of love.
And He calls me beloved.
And He calls me beautiful.
And He calls me daughter.
And He calls me friend.
And as I sit here at my kitchen table, with morning sunlight on the window pane, and quiet stillness all around me, I am ready to wrestle again. Because I still have unanswered questions. And I still have unfulfilled dreams.
Yet now I embrace this one beautiful realization: He let’s me wrestle with Him. I am not forgotten. I am not abandoned. I am not ignored.
For He wrestles with me.
Blogging & Family Q & A with Danette Dillon
ARD? Is your family supportive of your blog/business? How do you use your blog/business to bless your family and strengthen the family relationship?
DD: My sister, Dalayna, is also a blogger, but the rest of the family don’t quite understand this blogging thing. I’d say they are supportive as much as their understanding allows.
When it comes to using my blog to bless my family, I do stumble across crafts and products that I can pass on to my family. For that they are grateful.