Day One: Finding Purpose in the Waiting
Today we’re tackling a difficult topic: Lies Women Believe about Infertility. I’ve asked a few ladies to share their stories + how Jesus spoke truth into their hearts to overcome the lies. We’d love for you to share your own story of overcoming lies with us. Join the conversation in the comments.
“For entirely too long what I saw in church made me feel less-than. I dreamed of having children and when I could not, it seemed to me as if every message directed at women praised them for their children. The women’s Bible studies focused on homeschool, raising children, motherhood. Without a child, I felt like a lesser believer somehow. Every week in worship, our pastor reminded us that we were all sinners saved only by the miracle of grace. And yet, I felt lower than my fellow sisters in Christ.
It took a long time for me to be freed from the imprisonment of that lie. The first crack came as my study group at church read through 1 Corinthians 12. The familiar reminder that we all have different roles to play in the body of Christ played through my mind, and then at verse 26, the words just spoke to me, “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” We all have different gifts and callings but we are all one in Christ. And the lie fell away all together when soon afterward, the sermon text centered on John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” That’s a promise to all of us.”
“One of the many lies I have told myself through my journey is “maybe we just aren’t meant to have kids.” I then follow that lie up with trying to come up with reasons why not having kids is a good thing in order to help me try and believe that lie. But when I look deep in my heart and soul I know that my biggest desire for both myself and my husband is to have kids. Unfortunately, with my history of pregnancy loss I often blame God for our losses and not allowing us the desires of our heart. Of course this is not true, I think it is just our human nature to blame God. Deep down, even when I do blame God I know that he will fulfill the desires of our hearts. It might not end up being fulfilled as we picture it, but He does eventually give us the desires of our heart just like Psalm 37:4 says, ‘Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.'”
“I was broken. ‘My body doesn’t work right.’ Month after month. Year after year.
I started taking birth control pills at the ripe old age of 15 after going 110 days without a period. My maternal grandmother died of uterine cancer at the age of 39. My mother was concerned. My doctor assured us the pill would ‘straighten me out.’
Six years later we were ready for a family. I came off the pill and had two normal cycles before the lie began to grip me. My cycles were sporadic. My hormones were crazy. Never knowing when or if I would start or what days were ‘best’ to ‘try.’
My prayers became pleas. I begged the Lord ‘Please make me work right.’ Emotionally shaking my fist at the Lord. ‘You made me this way.’
Finally, four years later on the highest dosage of Clomid our prayers were answered. I was PREGNANT! WOOOHOO!
We made it seventeen weeks. Our precious son, Samuel was born perfect. Just too small.
Doctors advised me to cycle 3 months before ‘trying’ again. This began the ‘dark night of my soul.’ I was mad. I didn’t want to wait. I wanted a baby. Bad.
More Clomid. Progesterone. Herbs. Wild yam. I took it all. Because I was broken and needed something to ‘fix me.’
Spring of the next year and five test to be sure. We were expecting again. This time, we made it twenty four weeks before our Karson was born perfect, just too small.
Can we go through this again? the pain. Disappointment. Scared out of my mind… we began ‘trying’ again.
All the while the lie, ‘you’re broken…your body doesn’t work right.’
When finally, while on bedrest during our third pregnancy I read:
‘And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah’s womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. And therefore “it was accounted to him for righteousness.’
My heart began to bleed…
‘He did not waver at the promise of God…being fully convinced that what He had promised He was able to perform.’
In that moment, I surrendered my doubt.
The lie, loosened it’s grip.
As I prayed, ‘HE IS ABLE.’
The truth set me free.
At last, I felt whole.
“It was my fault. If only I would have eaten better, or spent more money on a better doctor, or prayed harder, or done something better, then maybe, just maybe, I would have born a child.
With those thoughts I crumbled into depression and felt like someone had written ‘failure’ across my forehead with a permanent marker.
When I finally was able to see beyond myself, I reached with trembling fingers toward the Word of God. I read the Bible through with heart racing and aching and I met God again.
He spoke truth into the lies that had bound my heart for so long.
I am not the one that controls my fertility. And with that realization, I took deep breaths of freedom.
I still hope, oh, how I hope! to one day bear the child my heart desires. But I have learned to acknowledge my lack of control. I have learned to stand with hands open, instead of closed tight in agony. I have learned that God is the one in control and there are some things I may never understand. I would have written my story differently but He is God.And I am not.”
“For years I wallowed in the lie that I wasn’t getting pregnant because God was punishing me. I think I found comfort in that lie, as if I was deserving of this punishment, and therefore there was a rational explanation for my otherwise unexplained infertility.
I’m one of those people who is keenly aware of how depraved I am. That all my efforts of being good fall shamefully short in light of His holiness. And that I am wholly and completely undeserving of this blessed and beautiful life that I’ve been given.
And so, as I wrestle with the Almighty, His divine will against my flawed and selfish will, I hear the enemy whisper painful lies, ‘You don’t deserve the blessing of children. You earned this punishment through your rebellious, self-willed actions.’ And in my despair, I believe those words.
Until the One who is victorious over all things reminds me of this unfailing truth:
‘Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus.‘ (Romans 8:1) And I remind myself that that this journey is not a punishment. It is a gift. The gift of unrelenting pursuit of my deepest affection.”
Me. You can read my story of infertility here.
But surely there are lies that you believe. Untruths that resonate within you so strongly that you begin to believe them as truth. How do you overcome those lies? How do you pursue truth, and then embrace it so that it quiets the lies that have become so commonplace in your soul?