Sitting in the waiting room, my sweet husband beside me clasping my hand in his, I feel the wrestling in my heart. That silent, unseen dance of two emotions that have for so long been at odds with each other: hope and fear. Sometimes facing infertility with hope instead of with fear seems like an impossible feat.
This place is one of hope – the place “where miracles happen.” But it is also a place of anguish, fear, and grief. And the waiting room is filled with men and women who are living with the burden of infertility, the unquenchable desire to create a beautifully unique family, and the heartbreaking inability to do so.
The first time I sat in that waiting room, back in October, I was dangerously close to releasing a flood of salty tears as I sat there waiting to hear my name called. My heart was hurting, aching from the weight of loss and grief and hard decisions. And yet I was keenly aware of the smallest glimmer of hope. Like when you see from the corner of your eye the sun reflecting on a pieces of glass, and it catches your attention and suddenly you see nothing but radiant light exploding around you. Hope is like that. A tiny fragment of nothing special suddenly bursts into a glorious flame that can’t be ignored or extinguished.
Hope may be frail, and yes, sometimes it is dangerously fragile. But hope is impossible to extinguish.
Hope can withstand the most brutal of whippings, breaking open delicate skin and bearing ugly, broken flesh. Hope can be starved of all nourishment, deprived of any life-giving nutrients, and yet it will not be snuffed out. It is that beautiful dream that is both achingly fragile and impossibly resilient. Hope, though fragile and broken and weary, lives on. Against all odds, against all reasoning, against all hope.
And this time as I sit in the waiting room resolved and resolute, I will not let fear take the lead in this sacred unseen dance. I feel an uprising within me. A rebellion waging war against the feelings of fear and doubt and shame, with the most unlikely leader: a broken, bruised, and painfully weakened, but gloriously strong hope.
Are you ready to be an inspiration? (To find out the purpose of the Desire to Inspire community, please read this post.)
- Please visit the others who link up and leave kind, encouraging words for them. This is about encouraging, inspiring, and building up one another.
- If you tweet about linking up, please use the hashtag #desiretoinspire so we can find each other.
- Link up your own quality, read-worthy posts.
- Focus on how you can be an inspiration, not what inspires you.
- You do not have to follow ARD, but of course I’d love it if you would.
- Link up your specific post, not your blog’s homepage.
- Please do not link up giveaways, blog/social media hops, or shops.
- Please link back to A Royal Daughter in your post (using the button below, or a text link back) or add this linky party to your linky party list.
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