Desire to Inspire #47: Joy Comes in the Mourning

We suffered a miscarriage on May 23 this year. After four years of hoping and praying, our dreams came true, and then turned into a nightmare all too quickly.

Please hear my heart on this. One thing I learned during that heart-wrenching experience was that joy comes in the mourning.

Joy comes in the mourning - finding joy and peace in the midst of miscarriage and infertility

When we lost our glory baby I had so much peace. When the doctor gave us the news that my blood levels had already started dropping my heart sank. I was sad, deeply sad. But from that moment on I had so much peace. My mind, my heart, and my body were filled with peace that is beyond comprehension, beyond what I could have even hoped for.

It took several days for my body to recognize what was happening. I found it cruelly ironic that we had prayed for four years for a baby, and suddenly we were praying for a natural miscarriage. But during those long, painful days there was peace, indescribable peace.

When my body finally began to miscarry our sweet treasure I felt so much relief. Even though it was then that I really grieved. I wrestled with our new reality, and at times I was so angry that God would “tease” us with such a short-lived life. But I was thankful I didn’t have to take more medications or undergo even more invasive procedures. I was relieved it was finally going to be over. Though my heart was hurting, even in the mourning there was a quiet, subtle joy that was planted, like a seed, in my heart.

There was joy because we had, for the first time, made a baby!

There was joy because we knew…we knew our baby’s life, short as it was, had a special purpose.

There was joy because my husband’s work was closed that entire week and he was able to be with me for nine straight days.

There was joy because my body actually did what it was suppose to without medication and procedures.

I am not glossing it over, or trying to share all the rainbows and butterflies there are to be found in the midst of a miscarriage. It was awful. It was physically and emotionally painful. And it was hard on our marriage because my sweet husband and I grieve in different ways.

But joy comes in the mourning.

In the midst of grieving, in the midst of feeling like life was choking me and my heart couldn’t take any more breaking, there was unexpected, quiet joy.

And I’m so thankful that I recognized it in the moment, not just in retrospect. I’m so thankful that while our dreams were turning to nightmares we were aware of the simple joys and overwhelming peace.

Are you ready to be an inspiration? (To find out the purpose of the Desire to Inspire community, please read this post.)

  • Please visit the others who link up and leave kind, encouraging words for them. This is about encouraging, inspiring, and building up one another.
  • If you tweet about linking up, please use the hashtag #desiretoinspire so we can find each other.
  • Link up your own quality, read-worthy posts.
  • Focus on how you can be an inspirationnot what inspires you.
  • You do not have to follow ARD, but of course I’d love it if you would.
  • Link up your specific post, not your blog’s homepage.
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  • Please link back to A Royal Daughter in your post (using the button below, or a text link back) or add this linky party to your linky party list.
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  1. says

    Amanda, how heart wrenching and beautiful all at the same time! Wow thank you for sharing. I am linking up a devotion I wrote this past Sunday from a different experience but with a similar theme. There really is joy after mourning. We serve a great God! Bless you xoxo

  2. says

    I read this & remembered my own miscarriage. It is such a difficult & disappointing experience for both a husband & wife. I am truly sorry. Only God knows – the why’s & purposes that He will reveal in the coming days. May you continue to have peace & hold onto our faithful God.
    Thank you for hosting the link up each week. It is a blessing.

    • says

      I’m sorry for your loss, Joanne. I am thankful that His purposes are greater and higher than our own. And even when life gets sticky and painful, we can rest in the knowledge that He will sustain us.

      Thanks for stopping by and for linking up!

  3. says

    You blessed me immeasurably with this post. Thank you for being so open and willing to share in your grief. Truly, when we are intimately connected to the Lord He gives us a joy in the most heart-wrenching moments of our lives. God bless you!

    • says

      Hi Audrey,

      Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I’m honored that God is using our story to encourage others! He really does give joy in unexpected ways.

      Thank you for stopping by!

  4. says

    As I read your words I feel helpless in knowing what to say. I have never experienced the kind of pain you have, I don’t know what it’s like. But I understand loss and what a difference peace can give us through the terrible storms. Thank you for your honesty and amazing testimony.

    • says

      Loss is an emotion and experience common to us all, isn’t it? I’m so thankful that there is comfort even in the most painful circumstances.

      Thank you, Sarah, for your encouragement.

  5. says

    I had a chemical pregnancy in April. Different, I know. But I experienced that joy. It’s so hard to describe, but you did a pretty good job of it.

  6. says

    I’m so sorry, Amanda. That baby is precious, and the brevity of his life doesn’t make him any less precious. I’m so glad you have peace. God is faithful, even in the hard stuff.

      • says

        I loved reading your post about how you honored your sweet little glory baby. Yes, I am so glad we have the hope of eternity! Faith in the future is a huge part of bringing us contentment in the messy here and now.

  7. says

    Wow, only peace that comes from God. Thanks for sharing and being so vulnerable with your story sweet Amanda!!! So thankful that you were overwhelmed with HIS peace and love!

    • says

      Absolutely! I am so incredibly thankful for His peace, then and even now three months later. He is so incredibly gracious to us, even in the darkest moments.

  8. says

    our post is so heart wrenching and beautiful at the same time. May God hold you close and give you all that He has promised. May He give you peace in your heart and home.

  9. says

    Amanda, although I have not experienced either of these, in some weird way I totally understand what you are saying. we have much in common and that could be why besides the fact that your writing is amazing!!!
    Praise God for his peace!1

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