When I Can’t Sleep

His breathing is peaceful and even, evidence of the sweet sleep he enjoys. It is too dark to watch him sleep, but I listen to his breaths, I feel his warmth, and I take comfort in him being close by. I love this man so much. And here beside him – this is where my heart is most happy. This is where I feel the most safe and secure.

It is the earliest hours of the morning when our little part of earth is quiet and still and peacefully anticipating a fresh day. And I have not yet enjoyed restful sleep. My mind is foggy like the thick steam that rises from hot asphalt after a cool rain, and my body aches for sleep, but it will not come.

Inside me my little boy bumps against me. And I wonder if that was his arm or his knee or his foot that I feel against my insides. Like his mama, he is awake in the wee hours of the night, and I laugh to myself as I realize he likely has much more energy than I do at this hour.

I ponder at how much I know about this little treasure of a soul who will join our family in a few short weeks. I know he was a surprise gift from God – a reminder of His perfect timing, a testimony of His perfect will.

I know that he loves the sound of his daddy’s voice. He responds with vigor every time his daddy talks to him.

Its the Little Things From several weeks ago – Mr. E. fell asleep with his hand resting on my belly.

I know that he is starting to run out of space inside me. When I lay on my side he moves to the opposite side of my uterus, sometimes sending off waves of muscle spasms as he bumps against me.

I know that he is loved more than he will ever know. By me, by his daddy, by his grandparents, by his aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and acquaintances. And by God. He is loved so indescribably much by God.

I know that his life has a unique purpose. I don’t know what it is, or how in the world we will help him discover it. But his life is valuable, and he will do and be and experience things as only he can.

So many things I know about the babe I carry inside. And so many more things I can’t wait to learn about him!

I lay in bed during another sleepless night. I blame my aching hips because I can’t get comfortable enough to drift off. But I know in my heart, I feel it in the depths of my soul: I can’t sleep because I’m too excited.

Amanda
Amanda
Amanda

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Comments

  1. Mom says:

    I think you’re right.

    I think it’s because you’re so excited.

    And yes . . . Baby E is much loved already!

  2. Totally worth the excitement and your nights of sleeplessness are only beginning!!!!!!
    p.s. Are you having a baby shower? Are you registered any place? I want to send you something. What do you want? What do you need? Do you have a Nose Frida? I never knew sucking my son’s boogers every morning would be SO. MUCH. FUN. hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

  3. Oh Amanda, this is such a beautiful post…exactly what I’ve been feeling the past few weeks! Sleep is becoming more and more elusive (and he’s not even here yet), but it’s hard to complain when it’s due to a miracle growing bigger and stronger inside, right?

  4. Marilyn says:

    I’m really excited for you too. :)

  5. Jelli says:

    Oh, Amanda I’m so excited for you too! Your journey until baby is in your arms seems so long but winds up being very short in hindsight. Enjoy to the max. You’ll soon be able to sleep on your back and on your tummy again :)

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  7. Tiffany says:

    this was so sweet, thank you for sharing these thoughts and feelings.
    it is amazing how much we can love someone before we even lock eyes. our hearts are truly infinite

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