When I Look in the Mirror

Looking in the mirror I barely recognize the woman looking back at me. She looks tired. She looks big. She looks insanely happy.

The changes my body has made over the past nine months are nothing short of extraordinary. That the human body can change and adjust to provide a safe haven for another growing human is simply beautiful.

The woman looking back at me in the mirror – her belly swells with the growing life of a precious child. Her back bows to compensate for the extra weight she carries in her middle. And her smile is one that testifies to anticipation, exhaustion, and sheer exhilaration.

And I see the imperfections, the “less than beautiful” changes: the swelling, the stretch marks, the lines and curves and acne. Society tells me these flaws are “less than beautiful.” And some courageous mamas proudly own their imperfections and claim them as battle scars and beauty marks that signify their rite of passage into motherhood.

But when I look in the mirror, I see something different.

Amanda Baby Bump

I look in the mirror and see stretch marks that remind me of the countless ways the Lord stretched and scarred me as we hoped and prayed and waited for this little miracle baby.

I look in the mirror and see swollen ankles and fingers that remind me how my heart swells with thankfulness and awe when I think that we are just a few short weeks away from meeting our little man.

I look in the mirror and see new lines and curves that once were absent, and they remind me that whether through infertility, pregnancy, or motherhood, Christ is constantly reshaping me to become more like Him. And yes, sometimes it is uncomfortable.

I look in the mirror and see acne - blemishes – and not just on my face. And I am reminded that I constantly stand in need of God’s unrelenting grace to erase every blemish and stain of sin.

But mostly, when I look in the mirror at the woman staring back at me…

When I look in the mirror I see answered prayers.

I see every flaw and each imperfection as an exquisite testimony of answered prayer.

And though society and culture may identify those imperfections as “ugly,” when I look in the mirror I see beauty. The beauty of answered prayer.

 

Amanda
Amanda
Amanda

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Comments

  1. You are beautiful, Amanda, and the way that God is working in you is even more beautiful. He will continue to mold and shape you as you raise that little man–you will be stretched in ways you never imagined possible. And it will still be uncomfortable. But it is also redeeming, and it is only through this giving of yourself to another little person that God can make you into the woman He sees when he looks at you.
    God bless you as you finish these last few weeks.

  2. Susannah says:

    This post is one of the post beautiful I’ve ever read! :-)

  3. Sharolyn says:

    Oh Amanda…I can hardly see thru the tears…tears of gratitude for answered prayers of dear neighbors. You have such an amazing way of expressing your LOVE of our Lord, of expressing your thankfulness after years of heartache… of celebrating the changes that are making their way into your body…and soon into your arms, your marriage and your home. That precious little one is being placed in hearts and lives that will be filled with the testimony of God’s grace, mercy and answered prayers. Hugs…..

  4. Amanda, once again you have blown me away with your beauty and gift of words. This unborn child is blessed beyond comprehension and I’m so happy for you and The Professor. I think of all three of you so often and I thank God for answered prayers. Kamden and I send our love and hugs, we can’t wait t meet this precious little one!!!!!!

  5. Love this! So beautiful

  6. Nancy Smith says:

    Ah, beautiful girl on the threshold of motherhood. I see God’s Perfect Timing!

  7. Jelli says:

    How very beautiful, Amanda. I see such a blessed mama when I look at those photos of you thinking about the turmoil you went through before God chose you especially to be a mother for one of his very own little children. What a privilege it is and what a joyful life this baby will have growing up under yours and your husband’s care. I’m so glad I met you and can’t wait to see baby photos here!

  8. Amy Jung says:

    Beautiful post…thanks for sharing your heart through it all…

  9. wow…this is probably the most eloquently written post on seeing the beauty of our bodies ever. i gave birth to our first child a month ago, and your words have helped me see my body in a new, Gospel-filled light. thank you!

  10. This is such a beautiful post. So far I’ve been able to love my expanding pregnant body, but I’m only at 26 weeks so we’ll see how I do the next 14 (or so)! I’m actually finding it especially difficult to love my pregnant body when society (and even friends/acquaintances/etc) have such negative things to say about the look of pregnancy in general. Like “Ohhh will your belly button pop out? That grosses me out!” I mean, it’s no wonder pregnant women have complexes! Thanks for sharing such a positive message on self-love, it’s truly important and inspiring for all women, pregnant or not.

  11. Julie Marie says:

    Beautiful friend. I am so happy and excited for you <3 ~Julie

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