Infertility was the gift I never waned to receive, the story I never wanted to write. And miscarriage was the journey I didn’t want to walk. There were months of wrestling and waiting. Bitterness and fear danced arm-in-arm with hopeful expectation, becoming close companions as though they belonged together.
In a way I wish I faced infertility with more grace. I wish I could say that I didn’t feel jealous of my friends as they experienced the joys of motherhood while I waited (impatiently) for my turn. I wish I could say I didn’t blame God, or even question His plan for our family, that I trusted His perfect timing without reservation.
Yet, through infertility God pursued me relentlessly, with extravagant grace. I wrestled long and hard, and I realized what an honor it is that God allows us to wrestle with Him.
If you’re facing infertility
I’m sorry. Infertility is life-changing, and often isolating. I know that your heart hurts, that the grief of a waiting mama washes over you fresh and fierce every month that dream doesn’t come true, and that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. I understand the feelings of failure, frustration, and the anguish of dreams not yet realized. I know that after a while bitterness becomes familiar and comfortable, and that hope is fragile, but impossible to extinguish. I know sometimes all that’s left to do is pray and wait, and that it’s hard. I know your body and mind play tricks on you, and that it’s even worse when you’re on fertility medications.
But take heart, dear soul. You are not alone. You are not forgotten. Your tears are seen. Your ache is known. Your story matters.
Sometimes there is nothing to say that will uplift or encourage you. But sometimes you’re desperate for a sense of belonging and for even a breath of understanding. I hope you find that here.
If someone you love is facing infertility
I’m sorry. You likely hurt and grieve on behalf of your loved one, and while you want to offer encouraging words you know there’s nothing you can say that will take away the ache.
If you are a grandparent, aunt, or cousin in waiting, you have your own grief and desperation that may go unnoticed and unvalidated. Your grief matters. Please know that your loved one likely cannot carry your own burden as well as her own.
Many couples facing infertility desire to keep their journey to parenthood private. If you’ve been entrusted with their burden please be intentional to exercise discretion and wisdom when talking with them. They may not know it, but setting boundaries and communicating expectations is crucial to maintaining a healthy and thriving relationship in the face of barrenness. If your loved one does not clearly outline the boundaries with which they are comfortable, pray about and consider asking them how you can best respect their privacy while being intentional and present with them on their journey.
Whether you’re facing this journey firsthand, or standing on the sidelines looking in, please know that you are not alone. I pray the Lord brings someone into your life who will speak truth, hope, and grace into your story.